Standing Firm in Faith for a Whole Life: Part 9 – Forgiveness and Reconciliation

We’re continuing our blog journey through the book inSPIRE®–Faith for a “Whole” Life—now available! These bite-sized excerpts from Chapter 9 consider forgiveness and reconciliation.

We can hope for strong connections. But wishing our way into good relationships isn’t a solid strategy. Love calls for truth, wisdom, and brave choices.

There are four forgiveness misconceptions that are important to know as we look at this big topic.

Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting

First of all, forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetting. When we experience loss, heartbreak or abuse, it’s unlikely we’ll forget. As human beings we don’t simply erase our memory banks at will. Some events mark our lives, and will have long-term consequences. Some events can fuel good passions and lead to deeply meaningful work or life trajectories.

Forgiveness Is Not Minimizing

Second, forgiveness is also not minimizing evil behaviour or its consequences. When we use the common expression “it’s all good” in our most painful moments, we know that’s a lie. A truer statement would be, “This is really hard, bad stuff that I hope to deal with in a good way.”

We’re not actually forgiving someone if we don’t acknowledge the wrong committed and the hurt caused. Rather, we’re painting some lighter version of their offence that’s easier to overlook. We’re avoiding the difficult and deep work of forgiveness.

Forgiveness Is Not Letting the Offender Off the Hook

Third, forgiveness does not mean letting an offender off the hook or giving them a “free pass.” Rather, we remove the control that our offender has over our heart and mind. How? We allow God to be their judge. We place the responsibility for justice on the shoulders of the only One who can handle that kind of weight.

Forgiveness Is Not Reconciliation

Finally, forgiveness is not equal to reconciliation.

Reconciliation means restoring a friendship or relationship. We can forgive without the participation of another person. Reconciliation, on the other hand, takes two to tango. It needs a willing partner.

The Bible encourages us towards reconciliation. God longs for unity and fellowship. But we live with the tension of having control over only our own attitudes and actions. This is an important truth.

What Forgiveness Is

Forgiveness is a powerful spiritual process. We face the offence, its painful results, and the raw feelings that go with it. Then we hand our desire for the offender to suffer, over to God. We let go and we are set free.

If you are experiencing pain or loss that feels unforgivable, bring it to God in prayer and ask him for guidance, help and increased faith to release and heal (Luke 17:4-5).

The Ultimate Example of Forgiveness

Jesus understands our pain–he experienced unimaginable suffering. Betrayed and abandoned, tortured and dying, Jesus forgave his abusers as they mocked and murdered him. He faced his circumstances. He did not minimize, ignore, or forget his pain.

Next, Jesus handed justice over to God. He prayed, “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34 NLT).

Jesus endured the cross as the sacrifice for our sin. We have all sinned and fallen short of God’s good standards.

So as people who have received costly grace, we can extend forgiveness. We don’t have to “feel” forgiving. To find our freedom, we put forgiveness in the “choosing” category instead of the “feelings” box. It is a choice we may need to make again and again.

Reconciliation may or may not follow. It takes two willing people. But forgiveness can begin with one brave choice.

Is there an offence you need to place into God’s hands today?

A Note from our Editor: Providing us with a powerful and timeless illustration, theologian and philosopher Saint Augustine (AD 354-430) compared unforgiveness to drinking poison and wishing your enemy would die.